In the beginning was the Word.
Before there was light, there was a voice.
God spoke. And there was. “Let there be,” He said. And the universe was created.
That is the power of God’s Word.
And we are made in His image. He speaks. And He made us to speak also. No other creature can. Only us.
Granted, we can’t make worlds with our words. We don’t have that voice. But our words give life. And they can destroy.
James says it plainly. A bit in the mouth turns the whole horse. A small rudder steers a great ship. One spark sets a forest ablaze.
The tongue is small. And the tongue is a fire. Something this small shouldn’t be able to do that much. But it can.
Every one of us has been burned by words. And every one of us has done the burning.
So here’s the question. If our words carry this kind of power, what do we do with them?
John shows us the pattern. The Word became flesh and dwelt among us. Full of grace and truth. (John 1:14) Grace and truth came through Jesus Christ. (John 1:17)
The Word Himself. Full of grace and truth.
That is what our words are made to be. True. Gracious. Building one another up. That’s what redemption sounds like.
The Content of Our Words: Truth
In Ephesians, Paul shows us two selves. The old self and the new self.
The old self (4:22) is “corrupt through deceitful desires.” The new self (4:24) is “created after the likeness of God.”
Colossians 3 says the same. The new self, “after the image of its creator.” (3:10)
Notice what the new self is made after. The likeness of God, whose Word is grace and truth.
So the new self tells the truth. It’s learning to speak like Him.
Then verse 25. “Having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another.”
Put away the lie. Speak the truth.
And hear the reason. We are members one of another.
Colossians 3:9 says it flat. “Do not lie to one another.”
A lie to you hurts us both. We don’t lie to each other, because we are members one of another.
So where does this truth come from? Eph 4:21. “The truth is in Jesus.” A Person. He is in us, so the truth is in us.
Back up to Eph 4:15. “Speaking the truth in love.” Truth is not passive-aggression. Truth is not a weapon.
And remember the intro. The Word was full of grace AND truth. Not truth that wounds. Not grace that misleads. Both.
The new self speaks the truth with love and grace. Because the truth is in Jesus.
Discussion
- Paul says we don’t lie to each other because we belong to each other. A lie to you is a wound to both of us. How does that reframe the small lies we treat as harmless?
- Truth in Jesus is spoken in love, never as a weapon. When has truth been used on you as a weapon? How was that different from truth spoken in love?
Key Takeaways
- We speak the truth because the truth is in Jesus. Not a rule we keep. A Person we carry.
- We don’t lie to one another, because we belong to one another. Members of one body. A lie to you is a wound to me. (Eph 4:25)
The Manner of Our Words: Grace
So our words are true. But truth alone is not enough, as we’ll see next.
Not only did Paul say put away falsehood. Look back at Eph 4:29.
“No corrupting talk… but only such as is good for building up, that it may give grace to those who hear.” Grace to those who hear.
And verse 32. “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”
Colossians again. “As the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.” (Col 3:13)
So where does a gracious word come from? From recognizing we too are forgiven. We were shown grace. So we speak grace.
Jesus is the picture. Luke 4:22. They “marveled at the gracious words that were coming from his mouth.” Grace, coming out of His mouth. He is our pattern.
Proverbs 15:1. “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” We have all felt both. The harsh word that stirs the fire. The soft word that puts it out.
Even when the word coming at us is sharp. 1 Peter 3:9. “Do not repay reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless.”
Not revile for revile. Bless. Why? “For to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing.”
A gracious word is not a soft word about hard things. A soft answer is not a false answer. Grace and truth. Still both.
We speak the grace we were given.
Discussion
- Jesus’ hearers “marveled at the gracious words coming from His mouth.” Grace came out of Him because grace had come to Him. Where is it hardest for you to let grace be what comes out of your mouth?
- “A soft answer turns away wrath.” A gracious word is not a soft word about hard things. Whose sharp word do you most need to answer softly this week?
Key Takeaways
- We speak the grace we were given. Forgiven people forgive. As God in Christ forgave you. (Eph 4:32)
- A soft answer is not weakness. It’s strength under grace. The harsh word stirs. The soft word turns. (Prov 15:1)
The Aim of Our Words: Build
Read 1 Thessalonians 5:11-15 (ESV)
True words. Gracious words. And the final mark: Our words are for building.
Back to Eph 4:29 one more time. “Only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion.” Building up. That is the aim.
The Greek word here is chreia. It means “the need.” The word the moment needs. “As fits the occasion.”
Not just something to get off your chest. Not whatever fires off the top of your head.
The word they need. For this person. In this moment. Fitting for the occasion.
Then 1 Thessalonians 5. Verse 11. “Encourage one another and build one another up.” Verse 14. “Admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all.”
Different words for different people. The fainthearted need courage. The weak need help. The idle need a nudge. The building word fits the person in front of you.
And sometimes the building word is no word. Sometimes it’s just a nod, a smile, or an act of undeserved kindness.
Eph 4:29 again. “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths.” Not every thought that crosses your mind should be uttered.
Sometimes the kindest word is the one you don’t say. Restraint itself can actually serve.
Where does the strength for any of this come from? The body grows up “into Christ,” and from Him “builds itself up in love.” (4:15-16)
Again, Colossians. “Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly.” (3:16) The word that builds others is the word of Christ, living in us.
Discussion
- The building word is “the word the moment needs,” not the word you have to get off your chest. And sometimes it is no word at all. Think of someone in front of you this week. What word do they actually need, and is it one to speak or one to leave unsaid?
- Paul says the strength to build up comes from Christ, as the body “builds itself up in love” (4:15-16), not from trying harder. Where have you been straining to lift someone up in your own effort, instead of drawing on Him?
Key Takeaways
- Every word builds or tears down. Build. As fits the occasion. The word they need, not the word you have. (Eph 4:29)
- Sometimes the most edifying word is no word. The word that would tear down stays silent.
Something to Sit With
Three marks of a Christ-follower. Words of truth to one another. Words of grace for one another. Words that edify and build up one another.
This is the new self, learning to speak.
Remember where we began. In the beginning was the Word. The Word made flesh. Full of grace and truth.
We are made in His image. Made to speak like Him.
We’re not there yet. We still stumble. Every one of us.
But here is the hope. Not that we try harder to talk better. But that He is making us new.
Until the tongue that once burned others learns to bless. And our words become words of truth and grace that edify others.
Because the Word Himself lives in us.
Questions to quietly ponder.
- Are my words genuinely true, to my heart, and to the truth that is in Jesus?
- Do my words carry grace, or do they cut?
- Did I build this week, or tear down? What did I say that I should have left unsaid?
- My mouth speaks what fills my heart. What have my words shown me about my heart?
Frequently Asked Questions
How do I get control of my tongue?
Start with the honest news: on your own, you can’t. James says it plainly. “No human being can tame the tongue” (James 3:8). Not by willpower, not by a better vocabulary, not by biting down harder.
So the answer is not try harder. It is a new self. Paul says you were “created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness” (4:24), and that new self is learning to speak like Him.
The tongue changes as the heart changes, and the heart changes because Christ is in it. Your mouth speaks what fills your heart. So the real work is not mainly on the mouth. It is letting Him make the heart new, and the words follow.
What does Paul mean by “let no corrupting talk”? Is it just cursing?
It is wider than cursing. Corrupting talk is any word that tears down instead of building up (4:29). Gossip does it. The cutting joke does it. The complaint, the sarcasm, the quiet remark that leaves someone smaller.
Paul does not hand us a list of banned words. He hands us a test. Does this word build up, “as fits the occasion” (4:29)?
A clean word can still tear down. A blunt word can still build. The question is not whether it made the banned list. The question is what it does to the person who hears it.
Can my words really give grace to someone?
Yes. That is exactly what Paul says words are for. Speak “such as is good for building up… that it may give grace to those who hear” (4:29). Grace, carried on your words, into someone’s day.
Where does it come from? From remembering you were shown grace you never earned. We speak the grace we were given.
It looks ordinary. The word of courage to the fainthearted. The forgiveness offered before it is deserved, “as God in Christ forgave you” (4:32). You do not manufacture it. You pass on what you received.
What does it mean to speak the truth in love?
It means both, together, never one without the other. “Speaking the truth in love” (4:15). Truth is not a weapon you reach for to win. Love is not a silence that lets a lie stand.
Remember the pattern. The Word came “full of grace and truth” (John 1:14). Not truth that wounds. Not grace that misleads. Both.
So speaking the truth in love is not softening the truth until it is harmless. It is carrying the truth the way Jesus does, with grace, because the truth you carry is Him.
How should I answer when someone’s words are harsh with me?
With a soft one. “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1). We have all felt both, the word that feeds the fire and the word that puts it out.
Peter goes further. “Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless” (1 Peter 3:9). Not revile for revile. Bless.
A soft answer is not a weak answer, and it is not a false one. It is grace under pressure. You give the grace you were first given, even to the sharp word coming at you.
My words have hurt the people I love. Is there hope I can change?
Yes, and the hope is not in you trying harder to talk better. It is in Him making you new. Every one of us has burned someone with words. Every one of us has been burned.
But the new self is “created after the likeness of God” (4:24), and He keeps at it. The body “builds itself up in love” as it grows “into Christ” (4:15-16).
He does not give up on the tongue that once wounded. He teaches it to bless. Not because you finally got it right, but because the Word Himself lives in you.
This lesson is part of the Life Together series.
Scripture quotations are from the ESV Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version), copyright 2001 by Crossway.