Relationship, Not Ratification: What 1 John 4 Teaches About Love and Discernment

I don’t know about the rest of you, but often I seem to come across dilemmas in my life where I have to choose between what is, or what appears to be, “right,” and what will allow me to relate to people. In other words, the “right thing” feels like it will make the people I want to relate to feel rejected, or pushed away. And I struggle to decide which is more important.

As Christians we often find ourselves with similar or even more challenging dilemmas like this. We find ourselves having to choose between what’s “right” and creating or continuing relationships. Doesn’t God want both?

We’re going to look at 1 John Chapter 4, and John is going to address how we should handle this kind of dilemma. We will see that when it comes to truth and love, the choice is actually quite clear. The subtle part, however, lies in how we go about communicating that choice with people. Whenever possible, like Jesus, we are called to choose relationship over rejection.

We’re in a series called, “Light, Love, and Life Through Jesus.” We’re studying the epistles, or letters, of John, called 1st, 2nd, and 3rd John.

The apostle John wrote these letters to the early Christians, and to Christians today, to put believers back on track. He wanted to show them the difference between truth and error, between absolute morality, or holiness, and relative morality. He called this “light.” He wanted to encourage the believers and the church to grow in genuine love for God and fellowship with one another. In other words, “love.” And he wanted to assure them that they possessed eternal life with God, and also an abundant life here on this earth. That is, “life.”

Let’s jump in and read 1 John 4:1-6.

1 John 4:1-6 (NLT)

1 Dear friends, do not believe everyone who claims to speak by the Spirit. You must test them to see if the spirit they have comes from God. For there are many false prophets in the world. 2 This is how we know if they have the Spirit of God: If a person claiming to be a prophet acknowledges that Jesus Christ came in a real body, that person has the Spirit of God. 3 But if someone claims to be a prophet and does not acknowledge the truth about Jesus, that person is not from God. Such a person has the spirit of the Antichrist, which you heard is coming into the world and indeed is already here.

4 But you belong to God, my dear children. You have already won a victory over those people, because the Spirit who lives in you is greater than the spirit who lives in the world. 5 Those people belong to this world, so they speak from the world’s viewpoint, and the world listens to them. 6 But we belong to God, and those who know God listen to us. If they do not belong to God, they do not listen to us. That is how we know if someone has the Spirit of truth or the spirit of deception.

How do we know when a supposedly spiritual message we hear or a spiritual claim someone makes to us is truly from God or not?

There are multiple ways we can test whether a person is speaking God’s truth. In general their message must be consistent with God’s word: the Bible. Furthermore the Bible tells us that a person who teaches the truth will bear fruit in their ministry. Do you see real fruit in the life of the person in question?

But John cuts right to the heart of the matter. He says start with this one central question: Does the person “acknowledge the truth about Jesus” or not? Anyone can talk about Jesus and even believe that he lived on earth, as many religions, cults, and philosophies affirm. But unless the person acknowledges that Jesus is God the Son, who “came in a real body,” in other words he is both fully God and fully man, both full deity and full humanity, they are not bearing a true message from God.

I want to point out something that is pervasive throughout these letters of John, but which I find particularly striking in this chapter. John chooses to speak in very absolute terms, as opposed to fuzzy. He makes statements that are strikingly black-and-white, leaving no room for gray.

If one acknowledges the truth about Jesus, he has the Spirit of God, that is, the Holy Spirit. If he doesn’t, he doesn’t. Absolute. Black-and-white. There are only two kinds of people: those who belong to God, and those who belong to the world. Those who belong to God know and speak the truth. Those who belong to the world are deceived and speak deception. Absolute. Black-and-white.

Now I don’t know about you, but I tend to feel uncomfortable when people are so dogmatic, when they describe things in such absolute, black-and-white terms. I think the reason is because it feels like they’re overstepping their bounds when it comes to judgment. They’re playing the judge. In fact, that’s one of the major complaints people have against Christians in general: “they’re too judgmental.” I can understand why people feel that way, since after all the very foundation of Christianity is exclusive, there’s only one way to relationship with God: Jesus Christ.

But when it comes to judging people’s motives and beliefs, is that really something we have a right to do? Isn’t that God’s job? I believe this is the reason so many people turn to advocating for that oh-so-prevalent word in our modern culture: “tolerance.” Tolerance is like an antidote to absolute truth when it feels overwhelmingly judgmental. Tolerance makes room for exceptions, on the basis of what we would like to believe is true. Tolerance waters down, or even eliminates absolute truth altogether.

So what’s the point? John is speaking in absolute, black-and-white terms for a reason. There really is a clear distinction between God’s truth and the world’s truth, and we must never ratify the world’s truth in order to avoid seeming offensive or judgmental. What do I mean by ratify? Ratify means to approve, or to officially agree with something. What’s right is right, and what’s wrong is wrong, and we must not approve of or agree with what’s wrong.

However, having said that, the way in which we go about disapproving of or disagreeing with what’s wrong has a dramatic impact on our ability to create and continue relationships with other people. Except in cases where real harm was being done to his mission, Jesus was very careful not to reject people because of disagreement. He always sought to make love prevail over rejection, even when people didn’t know and understand the truth.

Discussion

John’s test is one question: does the person acknowledge the truth about Jesus? Why that question and not a longer list?
“Tolerance is like an antidote to absolute truth when it feels overwhelmingly judgmental.” Where have you felt the pull of that antidote?
What is the difference between refusing to ratify something and rejecting the person who holds it?
Jesus made love prevail over rejection except where real harm was being done to his mission. Where is that line for you?

And speaking of love, let’s keep reading Chapter 4, verses 7 through 12.

1 John 4:7-12 (NLT)

7 Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God. 8 But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love.

9 God showed how much he loved us by sending his one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him. 10 This is real love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.

11 Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other. 12 No one has ever seen God. But if we love each other, God lives in us, and his love is brought to full expression in us.

John says “God is love.” Many people in the world today put tremendous value on love, and would even go so far as to say “love is God.” What is the difference between these two expressions?

“God is love” means that God continually gives of himself to others and seeks their benefit. Even though he is the all-knowing, all-powerful, creator of the universe, his fundamental essence is agape love, selfless, unconditional, sacrificial, action-oriented, benevolent love. Since God created us, he is the ultimate source of our ability to love others in the same way. God’s love was demonstrated for us through the sacrifice of his one and only Son, Jesus. Jesus is our example of what it means to love.

Now, notice that John continues to speak about love in the same absolute, black-and-white manner that we saw in the earlier verses about truth. For example, “Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God.” There’s no gray area in that statement.

Just as we saw with truth, John claims there is a clear distinction between God’s love and the world’s love, and we must never ratify the world’s love. What does the world’s love look like? Like God’s love, it can involve seeking connection with other people, caring about other people, and doing good things for other people.

But unlike God’s love, the world’s love is fundamentally selfish, conditional, and limited. It’s motive is to help the lover, not the loved, benefit and feel good first. Therefore it is conditional, or dependent, on the lover getting what the lover needs. And therefore it is limited, to only those words and actions which meet that criterion.

What does it mean to ratify the world’s love? It means to approve of and even embrace the world’s approach to love. We are always called to love. We are never called to love selfishly, conditionally, and with limitations.

And just as we saw with truth, the ultimate goal of ratifying God’s truth and God’s love is to build relationship, with God first, and then also with people on this Earth, Christians and non-Christians, believers and nonbelievers.

Discussion

What changes if you say “love is God” instead of “God is love”?
The world’s love is described as selfish, conditional, and limited. Which of those three is hardest to spot in yourself?
Verse 12 says no one has ever seen God, but if we love each other his love is brought to full expression in us. What does that make our loving?

Let’s continue read verses 13 through 21.

1 John 4:13-21 (NLT)

13 And God has given us his Spirit as proof that we live in him and he in us. 14 Furthermore, we have seen with our own eyes and now testify that the Father sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. 15 All who declare that Jesus is the Son of God have God living in them, and they live in God. 16 We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love.

God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them. 17 And as we live in God, our love grows more perfect. So we will not be afraid on the day of judgment, but we can face him with confidence because we live like Jesus here in this world.

18 Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love. 19 We love each other because he loved us first.

20 If someone says, “I love God,” but hates a fellow believer, that person is a liar; for if we don’t love people we can see, how can we love God, whom we cannot see? 21 And he has given us this command: Those who love God must also love their fellow believers.

John makes a connection between love and fear, saying the kind of love he is describing “has no fear.” How does love expel, or cast out fear?

At first it might appear that in these verses John is repeating a lot of what he already said in verses 7 through 12. To some extent he is, like in verse 16 where he repeats, “God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them.” Other parts are similar too.

But don’t be too surprised. You might recall when we started this series a few weeks ago, I mentioned that John’s writing style is not at all linear. Some have described it as “symphonic.” Like a musical symphony, he often states a theme, moves away from it, and then revisits it with a variation.

In this case the variation is a very important one. It has to do with assurance, or the certainty with which we can know that we are God’s children, we are saved, we are destined to spend eternity with him.

You see, verses 13 to 15 describe the reasons for our assurance. In verse 13 he explains that the gift of the Holy Spirit which indwells us when we choose to believe is itself a form of proof. In verse 14 John emphasizes the power of his and the Apostles’ eyewitness accounts of Jesus, clear evidence not only for them but also for all future believers who can trust the validity of these many eyewitness accounts. And in verse 15 he says that all believers have their own eyewitness accounts of changed lives that result from “God living in them, and they liv[ing] in God.”

What is the result of all this evidence? In verse 16 he says those powerful words, “We know!” “We know how much God loves us.” We can be certain. We can be assured. We can even “put our trust in his love.” And then in verse 17 he says, “We will not be afraid on the day of judgment.” Why not? Because we know with certainty that we will be judged as innocent, despite our guilt, because Jesus paid the price for our sin. “We can face him with confidence because we live like Jesus here in this world.”

Let’s summarize what John is teaching us in 1 John Chapter 4:

God’s truth is the only truth.
God’s love is the only love.
We must choose God’s truth and God’s love, and we must never ratify the world’s truth nor the world’s love.
The way we communicate our disapproval of and disagreement with the world’s truth and the world’s love should avoid rejection and enable relationship.
And, when we choose God’s truth and God’s love, we can have complete assurance of our eternal destiny, so we don’t have to live in fear of our future.

Discussion

John gives three grounds for assurance: the Spirit, the eyewitnesses, and changed lives. Which one do you actually lean on?
“If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment.” What does that tell you about where fear comes from in a believer?
Verse 20 calls it a lie to claim love for God while hating a brother. Why does John use a word that strong?
Of the five summary points, which is the one you would find hardest to live out this week?

Frequently Asked Questions

What does “test the spirits” mean in 1 John 4?

Testing the spirits means evaluating spiritual messages and claims to determine whether they come from God. John’s central test is whether the person acknowledges that Jesus Christ came in the flesh as both fully God and fully man. Messages that deny Christ’s true nature are not from God, regardless of how spiritual or appealing they may sound.

What is the difference between “God is love” and “love is God”?

“God is love” means that selfless, unconditional, sacrificial love is central to God’s very nature. He defines what love is.

“Love is God” inverts this, making a human concept of love the highest authority. This inversion allows people to redefine love on their own terms, often in ways that are selfish, conditional, or limited. John insists that love comes from God and is defined by him.

What does it mean that perfect love casts out fear in 1 John 4:18?

Fear, in this context, is the dread of judgment and punishment. When believers truly grasp how fully God loves them and how secure they are in Christ, that fear dissolves. It is not that believers never experience anxiety, but that the fear of eternal condemnation is removed by the certainty of God’s love and the assurance of salvation.

How can Christians hold to absolute truth without being judgmental?

John teaches that truth is non-negotiable. We must never ratify or endorse what is false.

But the way we communicate truth matters. Jesus himself was the model: he held to truth perfectly while consistently choosing relationship over rejection. The goal is not to water down the truth to avoid offense, but to deliver it with love, patience, and a genuine desire for the other person’s good.

What does 1 John 4 teach about assurance of salvation?

John gives three foundations for assurance: the indwelling of the Holy Spirit (v. 13), the eyewitness testimony of the apostles about Jesus (v. 14), and the changed lives of believers who experience God living in them (v. 15). Together, these give believers confidence that they belong to God and need not fear the day of judgment.

What does “ratify” mean in the context of 1 John 4?

To ratify means to approve, endorse, or officially agree with something. In the context of John’s letter, ratifying the world’s truth or the world’s love means accepting and endorsing the world’s standards as valid alternatives to God’s truth and God’s love.

John insists that we must not do this. God’s truth and God’s love are the only standard, and we must hold to them even when the world pressures us to compromise.

This lesson is part of the Abiding in Christ series.