Loving Those In Your Outer Circle: What 2-3 John Teaches About Hospitality

I have a question for you: How many of you truly enjoy welcoming people, especially those you don’t know well or at all, to visit or stay in your home?

And here’s a second question: How many of you, when I even mention having people visit or stay in your home, immediately have thoughts like …

Oh no, that means I have to pick up the mess, or …

What are people going to think about my house and the things they find in it, are they going to judge me, or …

I dread all of the extra work there’s going to be to clean up after they leave?

If you answered “yes” to the first question, congratulations, you have the God-given gift of hospitality! If you answered yes to any part of the second question, you don’t!

Hospitality comes easier to some of us than others, doesn’t it? Do you remember high school parties? There were always those few kids who would host these parties, and I remember being amazed that they were willing to, or even wanted to, do that. What possessed them to do that? Why were they willing to be so vulnerable, to sacrifice so much?

If you don’t have the gift, I’m sure you know people who do. These are the people who seem to open their home at the drop of a hat. Someone comes to visit from out of town and needs a place to stay, and they have the bed and towels ready to go. Whenever you’re at their house, there always seem to be other people there as well you weren’t expecting. They are the first to volunteer their place for a dinner get-together or holiday celebration. I have always admired people like this, and wished I didn’t worry so much about those practical concerns I mentioned above.

Well, regardless of whether you’re naturally gifted with hospitality or not, we are all called to love those people outside our inner circle. Loving people within your inner circle is one thing, your spouse, your children, your parents, your extended family members, your close friends, the people you are closest to in church, the people you do life with, by choice, on a daily basis. But what about people in your outer circle? People you don’t know well? Even true strangers? How easy, or hard, do you find it to love those people?

We’ve been studying John’s letters, or epistles, to early Christians in a series we’ve called “Light, Love, and Life Through Jesus.” The final chapter in the letter 1 John emphasizes the theme “God is life.” We saw how John closed the letter not with uncertainty, but with strong assurance, so we can walk away with confidence: confidence in our victory through Christ, confidence in God’s testimony, and confidence in the eternal life we already share with Him.

We’re going to look at both of the other two letters from John, which are called 2nd and 3rd John. In these last two letters, we’ll see a key theme around how we are to love, or in at least one case not love, those people in our outer circle.

The type of love John is speaking about in these letters can be understood best from the Greek word philoxenia (φιλοξενία). This word comes from philo, which means “warm, friendly, brotherly love” (as in Philadelphia, the city of brotherly love), and xenos, which means “stranger” (as in xenophobia, the fear of strangers). So philoxenia has a clearer, crisper meaning than simply hospitality. It means warm, friendly, brotherly love for strangers.

Read the first part of 2 John.

2 John 1:1-6 (ESV)

1 The elder to the elect lady and her children, whom I love in truth, and not only I, but also all who know the truth, 2 because of the truth that abides in us and will be with us forever:

3 Grace, mercy, and peace will be with us, from God the Father and from Jesus Christ the Father’s Son, in truth and love.

4 I rejoiced greatly to find some of your children walking in the truth, just as we were commanded by the Father. 5 And now I ask you, dear lady, not as though I were writing you a new commandment, but the one we have had from the beginning, that we love one another. 6 And this is love, that we walk according to his commandments; this is the commandment, just as you have heard from the beginning, so that you should walk in it.

Who is the elect lady and who are her children? Some believe it could literally be a woman to whom John is writing, but most scholars take the lady to be a church, and her children to be the early Christians in this church. Notice how John immediately introduces truth and love in this letter when he says that he “love[s] in truth” the people to whom he is writing. He’s setting the stage for the what the rest of the letter is about.

For the rest of the passage we just read, John continues to emphasize truth and love. These were two of the central themes of his longer first letter. Recall that we saw again and again in that letter how John wrote to put the early Christians at that time, and even believers today, back on track. He wanted to show them and us the difference between truth and error, between absolute morality, or holiness, and relative morality. He often referred to this truth as “light.” He wanted to encourage believers to grow in genuine love for God and fellowship with one another. In other words, “love.” He hasn’t changed course. These themes are still central in the letters 2nd and 3rd John.

But I want you to notice that he isn’t just talking philosophically about truth and love. Look how frequently he uses the word “walk.” Here he is talking about walking in the truth, and walking in love. In other words, this is very much a “how-to” lesson. He’s talking about what it means in our daily lives to walk in truth and love.

What do you think John means when he says that the commandment to love one another is not a new commandment, but one which we have heard from the beginning?

God has always commanded us to love one another. Leviticus 19:18 culminates a whole passage starting at verse 9 in that chapter with the command, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” This is an old command God gave to the nation of Israel in its early days. But Jesus interpreted this old command in a new way. In John 13:34 Jesus taught, “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.” And in John 15:12-13 Jesus says, “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.”

What is new about Jesus’ interpretation of the original command? Well, when we love someone, we are also by necessity doing two other things: we are being vulnerable, and we are sacrificing. That’s what Jesus meant when he said, “as I have loved you.”

If you extend love to another person, and they don’t return that love, you will feel hurt. God extended His love to all people, and He feels hurt every time a person chooses not to love Him in return. We are made in the image of God, and are equally as vulnerable. Furthermore, to truly love someone means to put their needs, happiness, and well-being ahead of your own, which requires sacrifice. God had to sacrifice His one and only son because of His love for us. And if we are not willing to sacrifice our own needs, happiness, and well-being for others, as Jesus did, we are not truly loving them.

Discussion

John will not call the command new, and Jesus will. What is each of them protecting by saying it that way?
“When we love someone, we are also by necessity doing two other things: we are being vulnerable, and we are sacrificing.” Which of the two do you resist more?
God “feels hurt every time a person chooses not to love Him in return.” What does it do to your view of God to take that seriously?

Let’s keep reading the rest of 2 John.

2 John 1:7-13 (ESV)

7 For many deceivers have gone out into the world, those who do not confess the coming of Jesus Christ in the flesh. Such a one is the deceiver and the antichrist. 8 Watch yourselves, so that you may not lose what we have worked for, but may win a full reward. 9 Everyone who goes on ahead and does not abide in the teaching of Christ, does not have God. Whoever abides in the teaching has both the Father and the Son. 10 If anyone comes to you and does not bring this teaching, do not receive him into your house or give him any greeting, 11 for whoever greets him takes part in his wicked works.

12 Though I have much to write to you, I would rather not use paper and ink. Instead I hope to come to you and talk face to face, so that our joy may be complete.

13 The children of your elect sister greet you.

We talked about John’s warning against deceivers, or so-called antichrists, in his first letter. What makes these deceivers so dangerous is their impact on people who have not yet heard and accepted the truth about Jesus. Instead, these people receive a false gospel, which could prevent them from ever knowing the truth and ever receiving abundant life now and eternal life with God.

Here John makes 3, clear, succinct points about these deceivers.

The danger they pose to a Christian is not that they might lose their salvation, but rather that they might lose the rewards they’ve earned through working for Christ.
The deceivers are easily identified simply by whether they “abide in the teaching of Christ.” Unless they accept, live out, and clearly teach what Jesus taught, they are in fact deceivers.
We are NOT to show hospitality, or philoxenia, to these people! We are not to demonstrate warm, friendly, brotherly love to these people! Why not? There are two good reasons, one of which John states explicitly, and the other of which is implied implicitly.

Explicitly, John says that, “whoever greets [a deceiver] takes part in his wicked ways.” In other words, when we show hospitality to these people, we are effectively endorsing them, thus helping them in their effort to spread their false, dangerous, and damaging message.

The other reason God does not want us to show hospitality to them is that we ourselves stand to be hurt unnecessarily because hospitality, or philoxenia, necessarily involves vulnerability and sacrifice. Remember the thoughts I mentioned earlier that those of us without the gift of hospitality tend to gravitate towards? How much work will it take to prepare for a visitor, or to clean up after them? Sacrifice. Will they judge my house and what’s in it, and thus ultimately me? Vulnerability. God says do not be vulnerable to, nor sacrifice for, one of these deceivers. You will be hurt for no good reason, and it’s not what I desire for you.

Discussion

Verse 8 warns about losing what has been worked for, not about losing salvation. Why does that distinction matter for how you hear the warning?
John’s test is whether someone abides in the teaching of Christ. How would you apply that without becoming suspicious of everyone?
“God says do not be vulnerable to, nor sacrifice for, one of these deceivers.” Where is withholding hospitality an act of love rather than a failure of it?

Let’s turn to 3 John now and continue reading.

3 John 1 (ESV)

1 The elder to the beloved Gaius, whom I love in truth.

2 Beloved, I pray that all may go well with you and that you may be in good health, as it goes well with your soul. 3 For I rejoiced greatly when the brothers came and testified to your truth, as indeed you are walking in the truth. 4 I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.

5 Beloved, it is a faithful thing you do in all your efforts for these brothers, strangers as they are, 6 who testified to your love before the church. You will do well to send them on their journey in a manner worthy of God. 7 For they have gone out for the sake of the name, accepting nothing from the Gentiles. 8 Therefore we ought to support people like these, that we may be fellow workers for the truth.

9 I have written something to the church, but Diotrephes, who likes to put himself first, does not acknowledge our authority. 10 So if I come, I will bring up what he is doing, talking wicked nonsense against us. And not content with that, he refuses to welcome the brothers, and also stops those who want to and puts them out of the church.

11 Beloved, do not imitate evil but imitate good. Whoever does good is from God; whoever does evil has not seen God. 12 Demetrius has received a good testimony from everyone, and from the truth itself. We also add our testimony, and you know that our testimony is true.

13 I had much to write to you, but I would rather not write with pen and ink. 14 I hope to see you soon, and we will talk face to face.

15 Peace be to you. The friends greet you. Greet the friends, each by name.

John writes this letter to a man named Gaius, whom he “love[s] in truth.” Does that greeting sound familiar? Also, in a manner very similar to 2 John, notice how he shares his joy that Gaius is “walking in the truth.”

Verse 2 contains a very significant meaning we would do well not to miss. John prays that Gaius “may be in good health, as it goes well with [his] soul.” You see one of the primary false messages being preached by the deceivers at that time was that our physical bodies, our flesh, is purely evil. Only our souls could be good. That is why they did not acknowledge that Jesus had come truly as a man. He must have been only a spirit of some kind. How could God live as a human being, when the body is evil? John refutes this teaching, and makes it clear that our bodies matter to God, and that God desires for us to be in good health.

Hereafter, John essentially compares Gaius, and how he walks, with this other bad character named Diotrephes, and how he walks. Notice the main point of comparison between these two: it has to do with how they show hospitality, or philoxenia, to strangers who are legitimate believers preaching the gospel of Jesus Christ. John explains these brothers have “gone out for the sake of the name” (that is, of Jesus) and also calls them “fellow workers for the truth.”

John commends Gaius for “all [his] efforts for these brothers,” for “send[ing] them on their journey in a manner worthy of God,” and for “support[ing] people like these.” In other words, Gaius has exhibited true hospitality, including vulnerability and sacrifice, in support of these believing teachers.

In contrast, he says that Diotrephes “refuses to welcome the brothers, and also stops those who want to and puts them out of the church.” John is clearly very disappointed with and disapproving of Diotrephes’ behavior.

In short, John is giving us a clear lesson on how we are to offer vulnerable, sacrificial love to strangers, on the basis of their belief in Jesus and the message they bear.

I’d like to summarize John’s lesson with a tool that I have found extremely useful in my life on many occasions. It’s called a 4-block diagram. It’s often used for decision making in business and other areas. One of the most well-known examples of this tool is Stephen Covey’s Time Management 4-block diagram from his best-selling book “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.” With this particular diagram, you classify all the things you need to do as either important or not important, and as either urgent or not urgent. We all know we have to take care of the important and urgent stuff first, and shouldn’t waste time on the unimportant, non-urgent stuff. But what differentiates effective people is that they have learned how to make time for the important, non-urgent stuff, and don’t let all their time get sucked up but the urgent, unimportant stuff.

Using this tool, we can classify people in our outer circle on the basis of their belief in Jesus (are they a believer or a non-believer, a Christian or a non-Christian?), and the message they bear (are they teaching about Christ, whether accurately or falsely, or are they not teaching about Christ?).

Let’s summarize what we’ve learned about how to love strangers, block by block.

For believers who are accurately teaching about Christ, we are to show them our greatest, outer-circle, philoxenia, or warm, friendly, brotherly love. We need not be concerned about being vulnerable, and we should sacrifice for them, opening our homes, providing for them, as if they are within our inner circle, because effectively we are part of their ministry, as “fellow workers for the truth,” just like Gaius.

For believers who are not actively teaching about Christ or proclaiming a message, we should still show them warm, friendly, brotherly love. We share a deep, spiritual kinship with these people, even though we might have never met before, and we need one another to strengthen our faith. We generally don’t need to be too concerned about being vulnerable with them, and we should be willing to love them sacrificially, within reason.

Non-believers who are not teaching about Christ constitute the vast majority of people in the world. And we are called to love these people just as God loves them, with the intent to show them God’s love. However, we should be cautious when it comes to being vulnerable and sacrificing for them. Often, they will not love us in return, and will even take advantage of our generosity.

When we encounter non-believers who are teaching about Christ, we should recognize a huge red flag. John explicitly tells us to withhold hospitality and warm, friendly, brotherly love from these people, lest we appear to endorse them or get hurt ourselves.

I hope this picture helps you to understand and remember what God expects of us when it comes to loving those people in our outer circle. For those of us who do not have the gift of hospitality, God challenges us to stretch ourselves regardless, reserving our greatest love for believers. And for those of us whom He has naturally gifted with hospitality, this kind of love is second nature. Yet, God is challenging you to be cautious when it comes to non-believers, and even to withhold your hospitality when it comes to non-believers who are spreading a false, dangerous message.

Discussion

Gaius welcomed strangers he had never met, on the strength of the message they carried. What would that require of you?
Diotrephes “likes to put himself first,” and it shows up as refusing to welcome people. How does self-importance turn into inhospitality?
Of the four kinds of people in the outer circle, which one do you most often get wrong?
Name one person in your outer circle this week. What would philoxenia look like toward them specifically?

Frequently Asked Questions

What is philoxenia and how does it relate to hospitality?

Philoxenia is a Greek word meaning “warm, friendly, brotherly love for strangers.” It comes from philo (brotherly love) and xenos (stranger).

It carries a deeper meaning than simple hospitality. It implies vulnerability and sacrifice in welcoming those we do not know. John uses this concept to describe the kind of love we owe to fellow believers and gospel workers.

Why does John say not to welcome false teachers in 2 John?

John warns that showing hospitality to false teachers amounts to endorsing their message. When we welcome someone who does not abide in the teaching of Christ, we participate in spreading a false gospel.

Additionally, hospitality involves vulnerability and sacrifice, and God does not want believers to be hurt unnecessarily by extending those to people who are working against the truth.

Who are Gaius and Diotrephes in 3 John?

Gaius is a believer whom John commends for his faithful hospitality toward traveling gospel workers. He welcomed strangers, provided for them, and sent them on their way “in a manner worthy of God.”

Diotrephes, in contrast, refused to welcome these same brothers, put himself first, and even expelled church members who tried to show hospitality. John holds Gaius up as a model and Diotrephes as a warning.

Does 2-3 John teach that we should only love other Christians?

No. The Bible consistently teaches that we should love all people. What John addresses is the specific practice of philoxenia (warm, sacrificial hospitality for strangers) and how it should be applied wisely.

We love all people, but we reserve our deepest vulnerability and sacrifice for fellow believers, and we withhold endorsement from those who teach a false gospel.

How do 2 and 3 John fit into the larger message of 1 John?

The themes of truth, love, and discernment that run through 1 John are applied practically in 2 and 3 John. Where 1 John lays the theological foundation (God is light, God is love, we must abide in Christ), the shorter letters show what that looks like in daily decisions about hospitality, fellowship, and the handling of false teachers. Together, they complete John’s vision of a community grounded in both truth and love.

This lesson is part of the Abiding in Christ series.